love in rhythm of incoherence.

loveless

2008-10-25T14:49:00.002+08:00

everytime i love, i lose. everyday i love, i lose. forever, love has failed me.

why is it so? i do not understand why. everytime i have somebody new. i'll always be disappointed, broken apart and torn apart. my heart ripped to pieces.

and all i could do was to cry and watch you leave. and for those few seconds in my life. the pain was one of the worst felt in my life.

why does love have to be so cruel? all i could do is ask. why?

2008-10-25T01:51:00.002+08:00

i got appointed course ic and i passed my exam.

but...

my dreams always come true whenever i dreamt the one i love will leave me.
and she did.

fuck love. fuck it.

2008-10-12T15:36:00.000+08:00

SFZ 1623M driving white mitsubishi lancer. _|_ you.

i shall blog when i have the time folks. alot has happened. both good and bad.

2008-08-30T20:35:00.003+08:00

5 weeks has passed since i started my army life. so far i guess i'm quite alright with it. i'm starting to realise why my parents told me, "i want you to experience army life so that you'll learn something from it."

i think i'm starting to realise things in my life that i've never realised before.

2008-08-17T17:50:00.001+08:00

going back into tekong again~ will be back 2 weeks later.

2008-08-15T20:14:00.003+08:00

back from tekong again.

well. this week has been rather. EVENTFUL i must. many things has happened within the span of 2 days? my god. even i'm lazy to blog everything down. it's really. EVENTFUL. hmmm.

so i guess army life is quite fun to me after awhile. lucky me i guess. not getting fucked up officers/sergeants for my company.

last but not least i hope my medical goes through for something. those whom i told will know what i mean.

LYNNETTE TAN. we've not been talking much recently D: sad dipsdips.

army

2008-08-09T23:28:00.002+08:00

i've been back from tekong since thursday. it feels good to be in the comforts of my home but i don't feel any happier. somehow, i feel happier when i was in tekong.

it sounds warped but that's just how it is for me. whenever i'm not in singapore. i feel like as though i'm free from my heartaches and past.

it's been about 2.5 years but the memories still remain. i don't know why even while i was in bed sleeping away, she has to appear in my dreams. i seriously hate myself. it's been almost 2.5 years but i still can't give up on the past.

whenever i'm driving alone in the night, for that few moments while i'm racing down punggol/sengkang, i feel free from the past. i wish i could drive like this forever. it's the only way i'm able to run away from my memories.

somehow, i wonder if i even try to forget her even though i am trying to? i don't know if i could say that. but no matter what i do to forget her. she appears in my dreams each time i do so. it's like a constant reminder of my failures in the past.

God, i don't know what's wrong with me really.

army life has been good so far. my coy officers and sergeants are nice to me at least. but of course it's the army we'll have to see their ugly sides at times too. but apart from that, minus the army part, they're nice people to around with. and so far good things has been coming to me in army. and it's an honor to being granted such honors. thank God.

somehow, i have that feeling no matter how hard i try to forget her. God has to constantly remind me of her. i don't know what it means but it's the first time ever i've been having problems in moving on. even if i can say i do have someone else on my mind now and the feelings are kinda like somewhere there. it feels so hard having to move on as a result of being constantly reminded of her in my dreams and i don't know why is it happening to me.

i just wish i can get over it. in time.

2008-07-25T07:00:00.000+08:00

going to army for the next 2 weeks~ shall be back on national day's eve.

2008-07-17T14:31:00.003+08:00

lynnette TAN. this blog post for CHIUS~ hahahaha. xD our CHIUCHIU language. see rahs~ i nv blog aneemore cos got chius no emo xD !

(10:39 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	later ur mother say i teach chiu bad
(10:39 PM) lynnette- can:	but vulgar quite funny la
(10:39 PM) lynnette- can:	HAHHAA
(10:39 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	si kiao kiao liao
(10:39 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	she not only come with the
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	fa cai bai ban!
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	she prolly come with a whole gang of
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	LOL
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	dont have
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	!
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	walao eh
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	I NEARLY SPAT OUT MY WATER THANKS TO YOU
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	I DRINK A BIG SIP OF WATE
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	THEN OPEN THIS CONVER
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	what me do T_T~
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	and i was like
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	OMG
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	HHAHAA
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	HAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
(10:40 PM) SAMSUNG OMNIA! g:	i innocent T-T~
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	nearly spat out okay
(10:40 PM) lynnette- can:	HAHAHA

xD unfortunately i'll be going army like next week. D: ! our PA times will be like no more or lessen by alot alreadies~~~ ): hahaha. i'll be totally bugging you EVERY night when i enter tekong next week. xD~

finally, I LUB EU DIPDIP. =x

lynnette TAN. now chiu must blog about me too xD!

nights.

2008-07-03T03:24:00.002+08:00

exactly 2 years before around this time. i would have been crying. seriously crying big.

it's funny how 2 years have passed. in 3 weeks time. i'll be enterting another phase faced by all men borned of Singapore. National Service. it'll be another 2 years of my life.

for the past 2 years of my life. i have been drifting along my life. with no aim whatsoever. many things has happened. and many i have hurt. exactly 2 years ago. the love of my life and my cca. they were both i hold dearly in my heart. something that i never want to lose. but... as all stories of yore i wonder how 2 years from now. how life would be like for me.

someone once told me NS will make me mature. but is it really true? we may mature in age. but do our hearts and minds mature along with age? it's funny how this statement can hit me. but i am wondering if this may be true. maybe it'll help me pull myself out from my perpetual frog hole and lift me up into the world again.

2 years on and i have been dwelling in my frog hole. looking at the skies above me. many a times it has been rather gloomy above this hole of mine. all i could see were dark clouds and perpetual rain. often, having to swim in the water. no matter how much i swam. i just couldn't understand anything at all which includes myself and why i am like this.

what will life hold for me 2 years down the road? will you still be in my heart, mind and dreams. constantly reminding me of my failures? or would i have found the love of my life to stick with me forever?

just a simple quote to end my emo post i suppose?

one may hold no contempt for the future, for it never seems to be near enough to grasp.

2008-06-30T00:13:00.004+08:00

on 27th June 2008, my horoscope was as the following.

The Bottom Line
Things will get better slowly in a troubled relationship. You just must be patient.

In Detail
The changes you've been dealing with in an older, more established relationship aren't feeling comfortable right now, but they will feel better soon enough -- just wait a little while longer. Things will get better slowly and steadily. In the meantime, to keep yourself feeling positive about this person, take a walk down memory lane. Focus on the good times and have confidence that the person you know and love will be coming back into your life again, because they will.

30th June 2008, lynnette TAN sent me a song "I'll Do Well" by se7en. thanksssss lynnette TAN for the wonderful song. it's really really really nice =D not to forget all the mahjong sessions with you. wahahha. special mention on my blog! =D

so here's the translated lyrics. not sure if they're accurate though.

I'm loving you, the words you just have to believe
My small words that gets mixed up as a lie
I'm missing you, the words that sound like an echo
My small words that shout and shout into empty space

Why do I...
At first smile when I'm in front of you
but when I turn around, why does it hurt?
If I must be hurt, I'll endure the pain
Even if I'm miserable and want to lean on you, I'll be patient
If I have to throw something away,
I'll throw it all away without hesitation.
Even the last of my well-kept pride
Everything...
Even a little spec of memory that I won't forget
I wonder if it's only a burden...
I wake myself up from absent mind-ness
Our photo album with our fingerprints on it
I said it's the only thing that has my happy self in it

You once said that I was the only love in the world
Why can't you say it anymore?
If I must hurt, I'll endure the pain
Even if I'm miserable and want to lean on you, I'll be patient
If I have to throw something away,
I'll throw it all away without hesitation.
Even the last of my well-kept pride
Everything...
A number that I can't even count (every night)
I poured a handful (of just tears)
I don't know whether it's time to comfort me or time to forget you
Even if I have to act crazy, I want to yell that I love you
So that you can remember me among your many memories
I'll cherish the words 'I can wait' in my heart
I'll save and hold onto it until it wears out
If we can start again sometime in the future
I have one thing I want to tell you
Whole-heartedly... I'll do well...

well.

love is very tangible. much as to say. is there a person whom you love walk down the path of life with together forever, if there's such a thing as forever. is there a person whom you can really say you love and am willing to do anything for him/her? it's a funny thing how i see couples these days. i see it as a "once in my life i was happy too" thing in my own eyes. but is there a love that's everlasting. does it ever really last?

i may be stupid in thinking a certain someone may return to my side. but is it really what i want? even if i were to see you ever again. the only weakness in my whole life right now will be exposed right away. i know, i can't bear to look at you, nor even speak to you. even then, i'll still hold my promise true to God. as long as you're happy, i'm willing to endure every and any pains as long as you can be happy.

even after over 2years. the memories that linger, still fresh like as though it happened yesterday. and all that ever runs through my mind is whether we'll ever speak to each other ever again.

though my life, my character, my mind has changed. but all the memories will remain forever.

even after this long. i don't know if i can ever be in another relationship ever again. it's just so hard when i can't even believe in the word called, love.

i think my mind is in a mess. i'm totally blogging gibberish.

lynnette TAN! oh noes D: the song you sent me is the ultimate emo you ever sent me. OH NOES D:

2008-06-18T23:21:00.002+08:00

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
incognito - pieces of a dream (edit)
lol! i do agree with it being pieces of a dream.

2.How would you describe yourself?
orbital - beached
o.O i agree i do like if i were to chill out at the beach. LOL.

3.What do you like in a girl/guy?
laliya - passage
O.o passage? no meaning.

4.How do you feel today?
pitbull - oye
LOL! totally agreeed. feeling super. OYE! z.

5.What is your life's purpose?
bob irwin - all the things you are
LOL. i suppose it's suppose to be for that you? lol!

6.What is your motto?
hed kandi - saturday (mousse t.'s house mix)
YEAH TOTALLY! HOO!

7. What do your friends think of you?
sambada - street walk
lol? i'm a good fren to go street walking? HAHA!

8. What do you think of your parents?
gundam - fields of hope
LOL. in a way.

9.What do you think about very often?
el debarge - who's johnny
who the hell is johnny?!

10.What is 2 + 2?
L'Arc-en-ciel - spirit dreams inside
no comments o.o

11.What do you think of your best friend?
espresso - drive me crazy (original extend)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA DAMN TRUE!

12.What do you think of the person you like?
groove armada - fogma
interestingly true too. LOL!

13.What is your life story?
shanice - loving you
wah. friends who knows my life story should know what this means. lol!

14.What do you want to be when you grow up?
the calling - our lives
uh. be with all my good friends when we're old and look back at all the past times? awesome :D

15.What do you think of when you see the person you like?
john mayer - no such thing
it's either meaning no such person exists yet or got no such thing happening in my life? LOL!

16.What will you dance to at your wedding?
clazziquai - some random song name
o.o it's a really romantic song to dance to, i feel. xD

17.What will they play at your funeral?
human nature - cruel
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! yes it'll be a cruel funeral

18.What is your hobby/interest?
madonna - live to tell
HAHAHAHAHAHA this is damn true. i live to tell all the shit i went through before. lol!

19.What is your biggest fear?
prince of tennis - wonderful days
o.o why would wonderful days be my biggest fear? lol!

20.What is your biggest secret?
MYMP - only reminds me of you
this quiz is getting scarily scary D: friends who know should know what it means too.

21.What do you think of your friends?
marilyn manson - this is the new shit
D: what?! LOL.

22.What will you post this as?
hed kandi - mi destino
nani?!

23.What song would you play during your first time having sex?
Gerald Albright, Boney James,Kirk Whalum, Robben Ford, Boney James - blues club
WHAT. LOL. LYNNETTE TAN. I WANT YOUR SONG FOR THIS QUESTION!

memories.

2008-06-17T01:23:00.002+08:00

somehow. memories seem to be flowing back again. was at marina square suntec millenia walk that area with Nicole, Edgar and Ying Zheng. it's been more than a year since we last spent time like that together. it feels so different back then as compared to now. we all grow. we all mature. it was a refreshing experience to meet up with them again. it reminded me of how low i was in the cycle of life.

in terms of knowledge. i am lacking. in terms of thoughts. i am lacking. there are just so many things in which i am lacking. but. is it really me lacking? or have i choose this way in fear or knowing or thinking too much on my own accord.

it's funny to be with old friends these days and to think back of the times and memories we spent together in the past. all the good times and bad times. they all have adverse effects in our lives. we may never notice nor comprehend. but it happened.

past lived, present living, future live; for the memories that lives.

sometimes i feel i choose to shut any worldly affairs from my mind for fear of spending too much thoughts about it or anything else for that matter. just can't seem to find the answers for that matter.

my brain isn't processing that well these days. so i shall just end with a short quote instead of my usual poem.

change.

2008-06-05T03:30:00.002+08:00

i've finally decided to change my blogskin even though i had the short moment of inspiration to create my own blogskin.

well. for the first time in a REALLY long time i'm in the mood to blog. it's 3:33am right now. nice~

many things are currently on my mind. why is it that we aren't able to give up the past even though the past is an elusive thing which will never be a part of your life ever again. if only there were answers to every question there is on my mind right now.

humans are all the same. they seek to be understood by others but are unable to understand. my recent exploits has proven one point correct. that people are all superficial no matter how you may choose to look at other angles. what they seem to understand is merely the icing of the cake where it is at it's most delicate and refined state rather than the compound state beneath it all.

that's the way we humans are in the end. superficial at base. nominally understanding at mid-level and, persistently "airy" at top floor.

it's been a long time. i've tried forgetting but failed. why is it that everything that's you always tread my mind on the edges tormenting me. the memories. a reminder of my failure. my failure to understand, my failure to be patient, my failure to love.

at this point of time. some whom i thought were the ones has come and gone. like the wind that blows the dust, insignificant but footnotes in my life. but the one figure that stands in my mind and my heart is still you. am i weak?

2years+ on and no other has been able to make me commit all my heart. no other has been able pull me out of my dreary recesses of my past.

i think i've totally lost the heart and mind to really woo a girl these days. God knows why because i seriously don't. and i'm still searching for the answer why i've become like this. i forgot what it's like to love, what it's like to date someone, what it's like to feel that weird feeling coursing through whenever me and another do something funny. i've totally forgotten the meaning of love, the meaning of wooing someone. the meaning of loving and being loved.

destiny and fate must have played a cruel trick/prank in my life. i wonder and i don't know. but if the both of you really did so, i understand why. like they always say. you may be the best in everything else you do, but with that comes a price, and a sacrifice of something you truely want but you will never be able to receive it.

my best wish comes from my own despair. to love and be loved.

the cogs of my mind is still entwined and looking for the answer in this lonely night...

2008-05-28T13:16:00.001+08:00

Your Expression Number is 5

A total multi-tasker, you have a wide variety of talents.

You're very versatile and able to change at a drop of a hat.

A free spirit, you crave change and adventure.

Clever and quick witted, you can convince anyone of anything.

You can do anything you desire... though this sometimes gets you in trouble!

Very popular, you're always thinking up new ways to entertain and amuse your friends.

Your restless and impatient attitude means you don't stay with projects for long.

You tend to be erratic and scattered - it's hard for you to focus.

You often find yourself in a state of flux with constantly changing interests.

What's Your Expression Number?

2008-05-22T13:34:00.001+08:00

What Daryl Means

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.

You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

trust

2008-05-21T13:03:00.001+08:00

never, freely, give trust. it's gonna fuck you in the asshole one way or another.

hate.

2008-03-19T03:04:00.000+08:00

you may hate me. but i don't hate you.

stupid bitch.

2008-03-18T23:14:00.002+08:00

say all you want. you can run but you can't hide. at least i don't run away from it and change blog address delete off friendster delete and block off msn.

seriously if this is gossip. you really need to see the world man.

you think i'm starting just because i blog about you. why the fuck do you care so much about what i blog.

talk to you nicely i get taken for granted. talk to nice harshly you say i pissed you off.

you can lie all you want man. you can pray until your god drops on you and you'll still never change and think everyone does you wrong.

one day you'll understand but not now.

i wonder...

2008-03-18T00:56:00.002+08:00

i wonder why do you forcibly deny to me that that isn't the person you were out with.

i wonder why.

not like it matters anymore.

a fool's joke.

fucked up doctor.

2008-02-14T00:14:00.003+08:00

the world's most fucked up doctor which would in turn mean a real fucked up clinic.

WEST POINT CLINIC
Jurong West St 81 Blk 853 #1-333

that "doctor" is really bogus fat piece of shit boy. and i swear if he ever does anything funny with my pictures he's dead like a fat piece of pork and lard.

fuck it.

2008-02-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

yes i'm back from china. all in all eventful except for one bitch. so done.

so yes. good thing you don't have my blog address anymore. doubt you remember, doubt you even care anyway. so yes. i'm fucking tired of this shit. one moment you say you love me the next moment you say feelings fading and all the bullshit. make up your bloody mind can. i'm not your toy to play "love".

done with ranting. i may want to rant more later. fuck it man.

flying away 2.

2007-12-08T17:57:00.001+08:00

flying to China in a few hours! for 7 weeks!

and i'll miss you so much, love.

flying away.

2007-12-08T15:51:00.000+08:00

it all feels so weird again. flying away with a new feeling attached to my heart.

everything seems like a repeat of last year. hopefully it doesn't end up depressing for me again next year.

i'll miss you so much, love.

fucking driver

2007-11-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

driver of SGQ 2412 driving white lexus. fuck you. curse you bang your car and no car to drive.

dare to show middle finger when you don't want to give way.

i'll be looking out for your car.

for your last ride... to hell.

2007-11-20T17:52:00.000+08:00

小學籬芭旁的蒲公英　
xiao xue li ba pang de pu gong ying
The dandelions that lay beside the elementary school’s fence

是記憶裏有味道的風景
shi ji yi li you wei dao de feng jing
Scenery beautiful in my memories

午睡操場傳來蟬的聲音　
wu shui cao chang chuan lai chan de sheng yin
The cricket's chirping in the courtyard during a noon nap

多少年後也還是很好聽
duo shao nian hou yei hai shi hen hao ting
Still sounds good years later

將願望折紙飛機寄成信　
jiang yuan wang zhe zhi fei ji ji cheng xin
Put wishes in a paper airplane and mailing it as a letter

因為我們等不到那流星
yin wei wo men deng bu dao na liu xing
Because we couldn’t wait for the meteor

認真投決定命運的硬幣　
ren zhen tou jue ding ming yun de ying bi
Throwing destiny's coin in all seriousness

卻不知道到底能去哪里 
que bu zhi dao dao di neng qu na li
Yet I have no idea where I can go

*一起長大的約定　那樣清晰打過勾的我相信
yi qi zhang da de yue ding / na yang qing xi / da guo gou de wo xiang xing
The promise that we will grow up together is still fresh in my mind, believing the pinky swore I made

說好要一起旅行　是你如今　唯一堅持的任性
shuo hao yao yi qi lv xing / shi ni ru jin / wei yi jian chi de ren xing
We said we'd travel together, the sole thing you wilfully insist on, till now*

在走廊上罰站打手心　
zai zou lang shang fa zhan da shou xin
Being punished to stand in the hallway and getting our palms smacked

我們卻注意窗邊的蜻蜓
wo men que zhu yi chuang bian de qing ting
Yet all we noticed were the dragonflies beside the window

我去到哪里你都跟很緊　
wo qu dao na li ni dou gen hen jin
No matter where I go you'd always follow closely

很多的夢在等待著進行
hen duo de meng zai deng dai zhe jin xin
Lots of dreams are waiting to be carried out

Repeat **

一起長大的約定那樣真心　與你聊不完的曾經
yi qi zhang da de yue ding / na yang zhen xin / yu ni liao bu wan de ceng jing
The promise that we will grow up together, so full of sincerity, never-ending chats about the past

而我已經分不清　你是友情　還是錯過的愛情
er wo yi jing fen bu qing / ni shi you qing / hai shi cuo guo de ai qing
I can no longer tell the difference. Are you a friend? Or a love that has passed me by

it's for my so called mei. don't know what to address her already. hope she understand the lyrics.

friends.

2007-11-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

it's been a fucking long time since i last blogged. so well. as some of you may know of the recent shit that happened.

so yeah.

to you: God knows what has gone wrong in your mind. but since you wanna be like that to the person you called kor once. you can go be in your own denial and forever run away from your problems and get all your friends to help you with your problems. sorrys won't help either way. like i used to tell you. sorry no cure. this time there's no cure at all to whatever you've done. your sorrys only serve to irate me even more. one day you'll regret your decision. goodbye.

what more can i say but childish behaviours.

gawd. i hope i don't sound like i'm in love with the person.

2007-09-30T11:19:00.001+08:00

2007-09-23T21:48:00.001+08:00

Your score on this personality test was 82%

Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural lead, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

Personality Quiz
Take More Quizzes

2007-09-23T21:40:00.001+08:00

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract Yuppies! You attract the very well-dressed, job oriented type of people. They usually have their finances together, are 'middle of the road' on most topics, generally happy with the 'main-stream' of things. If it is stability you are after, these are good people to attract, if you seek adventure, it may be time for an overhaul.
You attract models!
You attract geeks!
You attract unstable people!
You attract rednecks!
You attract artsy people!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

2007-09-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

Which God or Goddess are you? Your Result: Ares Greek God of War You laugh in the face of War. You revell in conflict and power. You are manipulative, seductive, and a strategist. Your carnal heart enjoys a good battle.
Zeus Greek King of the Gods
Artemis Greek Goddess of the Hunt
Hades Greek God of the Underworld
Aphrodite Greek Goddess of Love
Dionsyus Greek God of Wine
Which God or Goddess are you? Quizzes for MySpace

2007-09-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Ambitious Your best quality is ambitious! People like you because you are a determined person. Once you set a goal for yourself you do whatever it takes to achieve it.
Intelligence
Personality
Out-Going
Loving
Sense of Humor
What's Your Best Quality? Take More Quizzes

2007-09-19T19:24:00.000+08:00

You Are 88% Creative

You are an incredibly creative person. For you, there are no bounds or limits to your creativity.

Your next creation could be something very great... Or at least very cool!

How Creative Are You?

2007-09-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

Your Kissing Grade: B-

You are a good kisser, and your kisses definitely leave a mark.

As you know, there's always room for a little improvement when it comes to kissing.

Try to figure out what your kissing partner really likes, and customize your kissing style just for them!

How Do Your Kisses Rate?

2007-09-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions.

Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act.

Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

Could You Be Violent?

away from it.

2007-09-02T20:48:00.000+08:00

somebody just fucking kill me.

why is it ALL THE TIME MY DREAMS COME TRUE?

going cameron highlands from tmr till friday.

2007-08-20T02:18:00.000+08:00

Your Love Life is Like Titanic

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless."

You think that you only really have one true love in your life. And that you better to anything and everything to be with that person.
You tend to be very nostalgic about past loves that didn't work out. There are many secret feelings that you keep to yourself.

Your love style: Deep and emotional

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Bittersweet

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

2007-08-20T02:14:00.001+08:00

Your Power Element is Water

Your power colors: blue and aqua

Your energy: deep

Your season: winter

Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion.
You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul.
A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem.
You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

What's Your Power Element?

2007-08-20T02:12:00.000+08:00

Your Love is Based on Commitment

You believe that love is something that develops and grows.
You don't believe in love at first site, and you never mistake lust for love.
For you, love is about mutual devotion, respect, and understanding.
You don't feel comfortable in a relationship, unless you're both in it for the long run.

Why your love can last: You don't take commitment lightly - or leave relationships easily

Why your love can fail: You're so committed, you often can't see the most obvious problems in your relationship

What Is Your Love Based On?

another night again.

2007-08-20T02:07:00.000+08:00

well. here i am blogging again. somehow, the past keeps reminding me of her.

how i wish i could hibernate.

don't really know what to blog even though i wanted to.

hardest to cry.

2007-08-19T02:50:00.000+08:00

well. finally i'm blogging 'cos i'm in the mood for it somehow. feeling quite emo right now. being reminded of the past isn't the best thing to do right now. but it's all i can do just to keep myself sane. the only thing i can ever do is think of the past. it's the only thing keeping me from being in-sane.

it's been more than a year but the thoughts that still linger in my mind are still fresh from the wound that i once bore. even though these days i don't any emotions at all to anything or whatsoever; the only thing i can feel is the past that i had with you.

but what does it all mean in the end? does it serve to propogate and actually keep myself sane with a past that i filled myself with of sorrow and hurt? no, it's not the sorrow and hurt from you being away from me even though it means nothing at all like a lingering memory. it's the sorrow and hurt that i was able to learn from you leaving me altogether. it's all these sorrow and hurt that i was able to move away from my shell that i built around me.

everday that seems to me like a moment in time. seems to past so slowly even though it's been quick enough to fast forward it to more than a year already. but even then. this stop of a moment in time seems to hang on to me like a shadow. constantly reminding me that nothing can ever be forever.

i once believed that no matter what it takes. if one is willing, he/she can overcome all things. but now i've come to believe that nothing else in this moment of time is able to change unless i am able to turn back to where it was.

back then i hated myself for what i did. have you ever wondered what you're best at? sometimes, what you excel in is the one thing that can hurt the people around you most too. it's the one single reason that keeps me from being able to feel anything anymore. maybe it's better this way. to know what i'm able to do isn't exactly what i wanna be. it's not the way i chose myself to do.

maybe it's God that has already willed me to do so right from the start when i found His arms again. the one thing that i never understood was why nothing came to me in the end.

and all i can ever do and think to myself. is the past that keeps me sane and keeps me alive for my future.

until then... who knows what may happen.

as usual, a poem for all the readers.

A Night to Dawn

As I linger into the darkness that takes me to happiness,
all I could see was the light that was once there.
Glimmering it seems; only to fade away from all.
This beauty of darkness isn't what people would think,
only to some within this darkness;
is their only life.

All that I saw wasn't sadness; of the spring's bloom,
and a winter's dark that howled.
Of seasons that may seem to change,
only one remains.

What it'd be, I'll never know.
Only to pass of what it may be,
and only to come to those who sought
and understand what beauty it is.
Of a happy dark,
and darkness blooms happiness.

2007-07-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High
Dysthymia:	Very High
Bipolar Disorder:	Very Slight
Cyclothymia:	Slight-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Slight
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

2007-07-10T21:10:00.000+08:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

2007-07-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

2007-07-05T20:55:00.001+08:00

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

2007-07-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

2007-07-05T20:45:00.001+08:00

You Are A Guilty Ex

You weren't the greatest to your ex, and you admit it.
And now your remorse is keeping you up at night...
While feeling a little remorse is good, your guilt is preventing you from moving on

What Type of Ex Are You?

2007-06-24T22:02:00.000+08:00

You Are Paper

Crafty and creative, you are able to adapt freely to almost any situation.
People tend to underestimate you, unless they've truly seen what you are capable of.
Deep down, you're always scheming and thinking up new plans. Your mind is constantly active.
You are quite capable of anything you dream of. You can always figure out a way to get what you want.

You can wrap a rock person up in your sheet of trickery.

A scissor person can sneak up and cut you to pieces.

When you fight: No one can anticipate your next move

If someone makes you mad: You'll attack them mercilessly when they're unprepared

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

malaysia.

2007-06-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

okay i'm posting at the request of yuwei :P

alright, as to those friends whom i've been talking to, i'm back from malaysia like days ago :D

okay. i don't really have anything to say about the trip except for eat and eat and eat! thank God i haven't gained weight! :D didn't really buy anything either except for more food of course, zzz! malacca really sucks for shopping. THEY JUST DON'T HAVE MY SIZE!

well apart from that. the driving there is FUN! singapore roads literally suck for driving. let's see. driving on a road with two way traffic and single lane on each side and having to overtake vehicles and the only way to do so is by driving on the lane with opposing traffic. how's that? it was fun overtaking for once :D let's see other than that was OFF-ROAD driving. fwoo. that rocks man.

here's my favourite. DRIVING IN TOTAL PITCH BLACK DARKNESS AND WITH THE GOD DAMN BUMPY ROAD. awesome. lol!

this post is specially for yuwei who wanted me to blog oh so much and has missed me oh so much too :P love.

2007-06-16T23:55:00.002+08:00

You Should Have Been Born Under:

You are totally loyal, faithful, and honest.
However, you don't trust others to be as ethical as you are!
Straight forward and direct, you really aren't one for small talk.
You are a great listener - and an agreeable companion when you're in a good mood!

You are most compatible with a Tiger or Horse.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

2007-06-16T23:55:00.001+08:00

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2007-06-16T23:53:00.000+08:00

You Are Pinot Noir

Sophisticated and worldly, you probably know more about wine than most drinkers.
You have great taste, and you approach all aspects of life with a gourmet attitude.
You believe that the little things in life should be cherished and enjoyed... and of the best quality possible.
And while you may take more time to eat a meal or tour a city, it's always time well spent.

Deep down you are: A seductive charmer

Your partying style: Refined. And you would never call it "partying"

Your company is enjoyed best with: Stinky expensive cheese

What Kind of Wine Are You?

drive up.

2007-06-13T09:07:00.000+08:00

driving up to malacca later on. will be back this saturday. lol. don't really know what to type.

post post.

2007-05-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

alright. let's see. woke up today. exercise. eat abit. went out to dome. dinner after that. hmm. let's just say i've a really boring life.

clar mei ask me out at first. but a few minutes later she called to say she had to do art. ROAR! CLAR U OWE ME ANOTHER 3 DATES FOR TODAY :D!

anyways. these days, i feel weird when i drive. it feels. different. even tho it's been only 4months since i gotten my license. the car feels like it's a part of myself already. i can't explain how. but it just feels that way.

well then. i don't really know what to blog anymore. i've really nothing more to blog!

WINNIE IS THIS COUNTED AS A POST?! :D YOU PROMISED YOU'LL TAG! LALALA!

long time coming.

2007-05-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

well well. IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I LAST BLOGGED? well. nothing much in life for me except lots of assignments to do. not to mention final year project. stress, tired and really in need of a damn good break.

thankfully, elearning week is this week!

there now that i've blogged. WINNIE YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO LEAVE ME A TAG NOW :D

words.

2007-04-25T20:08:00.000+08:00

so how long more do you plan to ignore me?

if you can't bring yourself to talk to me then don't.

because i can't either.

goodbye.

help.

2007-04-11T18:35:00.000+08:00

god dammit. i seriously need a slave driver to make me jog.

i swear it's the most boring sport on earth to have ever existed -.-!

understanding.

2007-04-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

i don't know whether you'll still read my blog after all that has happened between us. but i'll hope you'll understand everthing i do.

this is the only way i can pour out my emotions as you know it, as i have told you before. though i may always blog about you, i never meant any harm and i definitely never wanted to blow anything up. i just needed somewhere to release my frustrations and emotions.

both of us are feeling the same way, but it seems like the only way we can find a solution to our problems is being away from each other.

this time it seems really serious, i don't know how long, but i pray that both of us will forget all the heartaches that has happened between us.

it really seems like i'm reliving year 2006 all over again.

feelings aside.

2007-04-10T15:18:00.002+08:00

just feeling like the lyrics in that song. nothing more to say other than the lyrics to describe.

2007-04-10T15:18:00.001+08:00

Ger - Love Has A Way

So many words were left unspoken
So many dreams go unfulfilled
Never to come out of the open
The cry in the dark where no one knows

I wanted so much for a happy ending
The fact still remains
Love never ends
Lettin’ go is not the end of the world
Your love remains in my heart

(Chorus)

Love has a time
Love has a place
Love has a reason
You can’t ask it to stay
No matter how long
The time, the distance
Baby love has a way
To help me survive

Now there’s no use for my pretendings
Out in the open
I would run
I know for sure what I’m leaving behind
I’ve gotta move on with my life

(Chorus)

Lookin’ back
I remember the times
Things we said
The tears we cried
There’s one thing I will never forget
For one moment in time
You were mine

(Chorus x2)

it's okay, i don't blame you.

2007-04-09T17:32:00.000+08:00

it's okay. i don't blame you.

you can say what you like, do what you want. maybe it's better this way.

take the heartache away from our hearts, sadness from our lives.

i don't wanna explain myself further.

don't wish to be a prick in your life.

goodbye is all i can do now.

2007-04-09T15:09:00.000+08:00

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2007-04-09T15:07:00.001+08:00

You Are the Thumb

You're unique and flexible. And you defy any category.
Mentally strong and agile, you do things your own way. And you do them well.
You are a natural leader... but also truly a loner. You inspire many but connect with few.

You get along well with: The Middle Finger

Stay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

can i?

2007-04-09T04:59:00.000+08:00

can i wipe our tears away, because i feel the same way too.
can i take our sadness away, because i want us to be happy.
can i take our heartaches away, because i wanna love you better.

can we have one more try?
i don't wanna lose you...

poly students are gay.

2007-04-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

stupid dick. one seoul garden meal also want to niao me. self interest above friend's concern. gay-ness.

thus my findings on poly students continues. no matter which poly it is. they're plain gay and petty.

what happens?

2007-03-27T17:44:00.000+08:00

what happened to the promise you'll never leave? it seems like it never happened before.

puddle of mudd - blury

2007-03-27T17:42:00.000+08:00

Everythings so blurry
And everyones so fake
And everybodys so empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that Ill protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing
Imagine where you are
Theres oceans in between us
But thats not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
Theres noone left thats real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
Theres oceans in between us
But thats not very far

[chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to runaway

[chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

forever has come and gone.

2007-03-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

Forever Has Come & Gone

After all the times we've fought; nothing else remains but a memory,
maybe it wasn't to be afterall.
We weren't meant to be; for all the things you've said,
of which i valued close to my heart.

And of all the things we've done, what more can we do?
Of everything that's done,
we can only have ourselves to part.
It's not the way I want; but what else can I say or do.

In each night I've thought of you,
of none I've found; but just a whiff of silence that filled the cold air.
With each beating heart I take,
is only what I can swallow to have you to keep.

Just a gentle silent reminder,
of the memories that I thought we could be...
Now and forever I can only dream, of a memory that has come and gone,
just another day I'd pray;
that you'd be happier without me.

my time.

2007-03-21T18:14:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i've last posted such a long post.

didn't really know what hit me. it rained, and like; just suddenly i wanted to blogged and i kept typing and typing. man, i didn't even know what i was typing. my brain is like, literally dead after so many hours of playing titan quest with Alistair. -.- Alistair i swear you're the lousiest player of RPG games. LOL! no wonder you don't play strategy games, BECAUSE YOU SUCK AT BEING OBSERVANT!

oh my i must have been possessed by some spirit that's why i was able to blog like someone vomitting out!

but anyways, those who know me will know what it means.

it feels like it's been awhile since we've last spoken. don't you feel anything, anymore? can you understand why i did it?

distant feeling.

2007-03-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

all alone by the night, i down my drinks of alcohol. i feel the sudden surge of thoughts purging out from my mind. is this alright? many of my thoughts wandered to where; i don't know. nothing that i want to know or answer. just a memory of silence that waves to whisper.

maybe it's this cold feeling of love. or just an after-effect of what could be possibility better. it's been awhile since you've talked. it's been a long while, since you spoke. what others can i say. but just a memory, i hold to sway.

the endless thoughts that caress my heart. just a simple reminder, of what has come to pass. many a times i wondered what's most important to you. but many you've answered me not; seems more like everyone else matters more to you; just not me you'd be better.

love isn't as simple as it may seem. somehow you just never agree with me. love is long and hard; arduous you might say. but this you do not see. only a figment of what may be. trying to be myself again; isn't the easiest i'd can say...

somehow i tried to make you understand, only to be rebutted is all i can face. now all the silence i can take; is only a memory of how i could stay. the sacrifices you wouldn't make. is not what i'd can take. the things i gave isn't free; is what i gave; but couldn't have.

of all the days that we've fought; for this it seems the last. nothing that i would say; for the more it seems to take you away. no more that i want to do, if only you could stay. nothing else i can ask for from you; is all that i could seem to bear. the more it seems to me, to ask is to go.

regrets doesn't come so easy; but all i can do; is swallow and face. maybe we're just not meant to be. heaven may have made us a fool; is all that i can say. only to wish and to pray; is just for you; for another day.

of all the memories that seem to sway; of what i hope to linger. is just for another chance to say. of all the times we've spent; is nothing more than my heart away. no more it seems that you'd make a way. only a memory; of a night at bay...

wasted, again.

2007-03-20T00:30:00.001+08:00

why is it impossible to tell you how i feel without you getting mad over it?

why can't i say the things i want to you?

why must i bottle it all up just for you?

why is it impossible for us to talk nicely about problems?

why can't you understand me?

why can't you think of how i feel?

why do you always put me at fault?

why am i always getting blamed by you?

why can't you do anything for me?

why why why?

maybe it's best i give up. lest things get fucked again. too tired to do anything anymore.

it's best i lead my life alone. the silence that blows past me with the figment of a memory seeming to pass...

wasted, again.

2007-03-20T00:30:00.000+08:00

goo goo dolls - iris

2007-03-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

it's just the way you are.

2007-03-19T01:16:00.000+08:00

why has things gone to waste again? all the time and effort we've spent.

war & peace.

2007-03-16T22:43:00.000+08:00

can we make peace not war anymore? it's only going to break us even more.

never ever.

2007-03-16T10:02:00.000+08:00

2 things you must never ever tell a girl.

1.) your past; lie about it also can.
2.) how you feel; just lie also can lah.

what am i waiting for?

2007-03-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

third night since you last messaged me.

a sudden chill down my spine and i just don't know why.

makes me wonder even more about what you told me. "she'll only need you when she does; and when she doesn't, she wouldn't bother."

and i just don't know what's wrong again. when things seem fine. i feel like you've left me all alone on my self, again.

end of the road, maybe?

2007-03-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

Boyz II Men - End of the Road

(spoken)
Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you know that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say goodbye

Well, I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together forever, you and I
Can you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead, just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me down

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

(spoken)
Girl I'm here for you
All those times at night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you
I'm here for you
I'm not out to go out and cheat at night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Huh, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
because you just won't come back to me
Will you, just come back to me
(Lonely)
Yes baby my heart is lonely
(Lonely)
My heart hurts baby
(Lonely)
I feel pain too
Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me down

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Although we've come to the end of the road
(music starts to fade out)
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

this song really hit me. reminded me of you.

this song's for you girl.

2007-03-03T21:38:00.001+08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have low agreeableness.
Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.
In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.
And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

goodbye, ilu.

2007-02-24T02:21:00.000+08:00

something's telling me things between us aren't the same anymore. you don't feel for me as you once do. things just worse for both of us.

it's time i take my leave now, too. perhaps if heaven is kind enough to us we'll be able to love each other again.

until then, it's goodbye...

mother a bane

2007-02-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

my mother should learn to shut her trap and behave the age she is.

it would be nicer if she were a mute. makes life more peaceful for me.

my mother is the godliest bitch on earth. i swear god must have made her the ultimate bitch to ever walk the earth.

what's going on?

2007-02-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

why are you suddenly telling this out of the blue? my mind literally went blank the moment i read it. so many thoughts going through my mind right now after what you told me. it's driving me insane.

are you missing me because i didn't talk to you?
are you missing my care and concern?
do you still want my attention?
do you still want me to love you?
do you want me to be by your side?
if you say yes to all these, will you give me the equal commitment?

these are the thoughts that are running through my mind and burning through my mind.

i don't know what you're thinking. can you please tell me?

please don't let me fall. my heart won't be able to take another blow...

driving part2.

2007-02-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

forgot to post this together with the post after driving last night.

if it's one thing i realized. you can never depend on anyone. not even your best friends. the only person i can depend is myself and no others. nobody fucking cares these days. seems like one by one, every single one of the closest to me at some stage would leave me altogether.

maybe it's the life that i've always had since i was young.

i can count on nobody but myself. never trust anyone but myself.

so fragile.

2007-02-21T19:01:00.000+08:00

somehow. i've been listening to quite alot of eurobeats recently. mainly because of the anime initial D. somehow this particular song hit me quite well.

Pamsy - So Fragile

I know for sure the world can turn around me
Tonight I feel the earth is still
Can I be the only one?
Every little thing would make me wonder
If I could open my eyes and find

Everyone, everyday
Living just can break their hearts
So fragile
Anyone in their flight
Reaching higher, touch the sky
So fragile

A change of heart to start another feeling
The light of day, I'll change my way
Can I be the only one?
Every little thing would make me wonder
If I could open my eyes and find

Everyone, everyday
Living just can break their hearts
So fragile
Anyone in their flight
Reaching higher, touch the sky
So fragile

that's probably how i'm feeling now.

have you forgotten me? the times we had, feels like everything has gone and past.
something's telling me you've forgotten me.
something's telling me you've found another one.

maybe everything we've had, has all been lost.

i guess this time is goodbye to you, forever.

driving night.

2007-02-21T03:25:00.000+08:00

just came back from driving out to eat. was fun driving out in the night.

thought of many things. guess i need a longer drive to sort it out. somehow. driving makes me sort my problems out better.

i miss you...

missing.

2007-02-19T02:47:00.000+08:00

i miss you. but does it matter anymore?

CNY eve.

2007-02-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

it's about 2hrs more to CNY.

the night where everyone are suppose to stay up, according to customs that is.

feel no joy, yet again. not like it changes with each year.

maybe both of us are sick and tired of each other. so much so both of us wanna leave each other. i won't stop you from leaving me this time. maybe time will tell, if we were really meant for each other. maybe it's goodbye to you...

frustrations. part 1

2007-02-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

fuck lah. everywhere i go. there is always something and someone to fucking PISS ME OFF.

yesterday and today, everywhere i go. there'll be SOMETHING bound to happen that will fucking PISS ME OFF.

i'd rather be dead than to live in this world till my dying old days. the world is a pain in the ass.

frustrations.

2007-02-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

fuck lah.

frustrated until i had to bang my keyboard just now.

FYP team can't seem to gel with each other.

quarrelled with mother because of her sister crying over her amputated leg.

quarrelled with her, AGAIN.

WHY WHY WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FACE AND EAT ALL THE SHIT UP?!

fucking frustrated with my world. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LEARN TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER?!

stay with me till dawn?

2007-02-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

Fac15 - Stay With Me Till Dawn

Is this a ga-a-ame you're play-ayin'
I don't understand what's go-oin' on
I can't see through your frown
First you're up
Then you're dow-ow-ow-own
You're keepin' me from someone
I want to know-ow-ow-ow

But I need you toni-i-ight
(Need you tonight)
Yes I need you toni-i-ight
(Need you tonight)
And I'll show you a sunset
If you'll stay-ay with me till dawn...

It's the sa-ame old situa-ation
Every word so fi-inely placed
Runnin' arou-ou-ound
My concentra-ation
Is the feelin' that I've just got to
Break out and say-ay-ay

Oh I need you toni-ight
(Need you tonight)
Yes I need you toni-i-i-ight
(Need you tonight)
And I'll show you a sunset
If you'll stay-ay with me till dawn...

**Is this a ga-a-ame you're play-ayin'
Playin' with my hear-ear-ear-eart
(Need you tonight)
Ooh stop playin' with my hear-ear-ear-eart
(Need you tonight)
And I'll show you a sunset
If you'll stay-ay with me till dawn...

Yes I'll show you a sunset
If you'll stay-ay with me till dawn...

please don't mess with my heart, my heart can't take any hurt anymore.

valentine's aftermath.

2007-02-15T01:48:00.000+08:00

everyday that passes us by, no further happiness can be found nor gained. every hour that slowly sinks in, my mind further away from myself. every minute that slips by, is painful of the time we've not taken. every second that flows by, makes me wish you'd be by my side.

maybe it's not my call to make, maybe it's not my choice to take. maybe it's never my chance to create.

i wish i could go on further, but every step i make is another quarrel we'd make. i wish i could continue loving you, but every love i give is another fight we'd face.

what can i do, what should i so. none i can understand, none i can do, none i can sacrifice.

just for the sake of; loving you another day.

valentine's shit.

2007-02-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

sorry. disregard my last post which i originally intended for you to read. i just had to rant somewhere to release my anger and frustrations.

valentine's betrayal.

2007-02-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

i'm tired of it all. after what you did and said today. you could have just told me the truth first. instead of having to wait for everything to happen before telling.

there can never be 1 day that i can be happy, neither for you. no, i don't believe heaven is playing with us anymore. because now it's you who seem to play with me and us. God will not do what we do not do for ourselves.

it's obvious enough. for all your confusion over us, there's not 1 time that you'll ever solve this confusion.

i'm tired of facing your uncertainties and fickleness. since you can't bring yourself to meet me, since you can't bring yourself to do anything at all for me. i'm not gonna care anymore, with all my worthless loving for you.

no more do i believe what u\you believe. you can believe what you want. but i will not anymore. if you really do give a damn. you'd do anything for me.

not until you can sort your ownself out.

I'M TIRED AND SICK OF ALL THE SHIT. period.

boring valentine.

2007-02-14T11:28:00.000+08:00

this time it isn't heaven playing on us, you decided not to meet at all. no point saying anymore, that you chose not to give. reasons you give, but not one that mean to me. on this day you left me all alone, leaving without a word, having me to wait for you again... on this lonesome valentine.

so it's another valentine alone. feel like going out yet don't feel like. seeing all the couples and would-be couples everywhere.

has anyone ever experienced a love so much so, that both of you are willing to sacrifice anything for each other. up till now, especially in modern times. nobody would sacrifice for love, not when so many are more concerned about their own well-being and own selfishness.

valentine.

2007-02-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

love is in the air. but i'm not. because valentine seems lonely for me.

will we still be spending valentine together? i wish i could...

on bended knee.

2007-02-13T00:05:00.000+08:00

maybe heaven is creating a chance for you and me to spend this valentine together. ever thought of it this way?

maybe heaven is making us go through trials and tribulation to strengthen our relation with each other. ever thought of it this way?

maybe heaven is just helping us this way.

possibilies are endless.

i'll always be praying in my sleep, just for you and me...

2007-02-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

Boyz II Men - On Bended Knee

And I....

Darlin' I, I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go

CHORUS:

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me the reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me

CHORUS:

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me the reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

(Baby, Im sorry. Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.
Please come back home girl. I know you put all your trust
in me, I'm sorry I let you down. Please forgive me girl.)

I'm gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers, the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe, in the spirit of love
it can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees, begging you please
Come home

CHORUS:

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me the reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

(Wanna build a new life
Just you and me
Gonna make you my wife
Raise a family)

Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way things used to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, til you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

this song's for you babe.

goodbye, forever.

2007-02-12T08:18:00.000+08:00

the feeling of losing another one is incredible.

ever had a person telling you that he/she doesn't mind who you are, being able to put up with you and everything else. believe me, it's never true.

goodbye forever, to you. we can't put up with each other and i'm a pest.

i wish.

2007-02-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

i guess it's just me alone to spend during this holidays. just myself.

so many things going through my mind. i can't even put into words.

just feeling depressed now you can say.

don't know what to blog. just feel like doing so.

the end.

2007-02-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

seems like we can't be normal friends.

seems like we just can't settle.

seems like we just can't talk.

seems like i was a pain.

seems like i only bring you pain.

seems like we can't talk without having to quarrel.

seems like we can't even meet as friends.

seems like there's nothing more that we can say.

since you're sick of it all. i'll just go.

take care. good luck. goodbye. i'll always remember you...